When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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