Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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