I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?