so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
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He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is