Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.