omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
