I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
