I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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