I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
