he thought i was a dude.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
