yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
