I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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