I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize