Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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