i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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