my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
