Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize