apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
