weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I want to fling myself into the sun
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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