This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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