It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
