Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
