Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize