and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
