C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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