Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
