im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
