His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
