When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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