recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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