Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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