my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
