WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
