we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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