She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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