My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
