Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
