Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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