um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
