I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
