Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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