you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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