The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
