hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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