So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
