this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
