I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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