All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
