She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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