Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
