If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize