I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did you pee in the oven last night??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
