I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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