How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
