im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
