The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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