Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
