lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
