omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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