So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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