he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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