Sry I called you an 8
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
