How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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