When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
