Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
